Breakups aren’t just endings—they’re emotional earthquakes. They rattle your sense of identity, disrupt your nervous system, and make even the most basic things—like eating or breathing—feel impossible. But healing isn’t about getting over it quickly; it’s about pulling yourself back into your body, your life, and your sense of self.
Whether you were blindsided, slowly unraveling for months, or finally pulled the plug yourself, the aftermath still stings. These steps aren’t quick fixes—they’re emotional CPR. Because the truth is, you don’t just get over someone. You rebuild yourself in their absence.
1. Let Yourself Grieve—Without Apology
You don’t have to be “strong” right away. Cry in the shower, scream into a pillow, re-read the texts—do what your body needs to release the ache. Grief is messy, cyclical, and completely valid. According to the expert guidance on grief and healing provided by Wellness Road Psychology, grief is a deeply personal and often overwhelming experience that requires compassionate processing and coping strategies. Their article highlights the importance of allowing yourself to feel grief fully, without rushing or suppressing it. It discusses effective counseling techniques such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and mindfulness to support healing.
Don’t let anyone rush your healing with clichés like “It wasn’t meant to be.” You loved hard, and that matters. Letting it hurt is how you honor what was real.
2. Go Full No Contact (Yes, Really)
Block them. Mute them. Delete the thread. Whatever access they had to your nervous system, cut it off. Staying digitally connected keeps you stuck in emotional limbo.
No contact isn’t about being petty—it’s about protecting your peace. Every notification is a trigger. You can’t detox from someone while keeping them on your emotional IV drip.
3. Create Rituals That Soothe, Not Just Distract
Creating soothing rituals that foster healing rather than mere distraction is supported by research into the psychological and neurobiological effects of ritual. A comprehensive analysis published in the Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B explains that healing rituals—through their repetitive, rhythmic, and symbolic actions—help transform a person’s experience from brokenness to wholeness by engaging emotional, cognitive, and sensory processes.
Structure is medicine after heartbreak. Rituals give you rhythm when everything feels chaotic. And the more intentional they are, the more healing they become.
4. Stop Romanticizing What Was Never Healthy
It’s tempting to replay only the good memories—your inside jokes, their sweet texts, the way they made you feel seen. But nostalgia is selective, and pain can trick you into rewriting the past. Don’t confuse intensity with intimacy.
Make a list of the red flags you ignored. Revisit the moments where you felt small, confused, or emotionally unsafe. This isn’t about demonizing them—it’s about telling the truth.
5. Let Your Friends Carry You (Even If You Feel Like a Burden)
You don’t have to have it together. Let someone bring you soup, sit in silence, or walk you through the grocery store when your body forgets how to function. This is what real friendship is for.
You are not too much. You are not “too emotional.” You are going through something that rewires your world, and you don’t have to do it alone. Research published in Frontiers in Psychology underscores the vital role of social support in reducing perceived stress and improving mental health outcomes, showing that emotional and practical support from friends and family can significantly buffer anxiety and depression during challenging times.
6. Move Your Body—Even If It’s Just Around The Block
Heartbreak lives in your chest, your gut, your shoulders—it’s physical. Moving your body releases what your mind can’t process. And no, you don’t need to train for a marathon.
Walk. Stretch. Dance in your kitchen to your angriest playlist. Movement reminds you that you’re still here, still yours, still alive.
7. Get Off Social Media (Especially When You’re Tempted To Stalk)
As noted by UC Davis Health, social media use can increase feelings of anxiety and depression, particularly due to factors like social comparison, fear of missing out (FOMO), and exposure to filtered, idealized images that distort reality. Taking breaks from social media helps reduce these negative impacts by allowing you to focus inward and avoid the emotional toll of constant comparison or “stalking” an ex, which can hinder healing and self-esteem.
Your healing doesn’t need an audience—or an algorithm. Take a break, log off, and focus inward. The real world is where your power lives.
8. Find One Thing That Grounds You Every Morning
Waking up is often the hardest part after a breakup. The grief hits you before your feet touch the floor. But one grounding ritual—coffee, music, stretching, breathwork—can re-anchor your day.
It doesn’t have to be big. It just has to remind you that you still exist outside of this pain. Morning rituals are small declarations that you’re coming back to life.
9. Rewrite The Story You’ve Been Telling Yourself
“I wasn’t enough.” “I messed it up.” “They were my only shot at real love.” These thoughts feel true, but they’re not. They’re fears speak through heartbreak.
You are allowed to rewrite the narrative. Maybe it ended because you outgrew it. Maybe your standards are finally rising. Let your healing story include your strength.
10. Rebuild Your Self-Trust—One Promise At A Time
When relationships end, we often question ourselves. Why didn’t I see the signs? Why did I stay? The key isn’t shame—it’s restoration. Start with one small promise a day: I’ll go for that walk. I’ll drink water. I’ll call my friend back.
Each kept promise rebuilds your self-trust. You become someone you can count on again. And that’s the foundation of real healing.
11. Stop Measuring Your Healing Against Their Life
They moved on. They look happy. They’re dating someone new. It stings, but it’s not the full story. People curate what they post, and speed doesn’t equal depth.
Healing isn’t a race. It’s a return to wholeness. Stay in your lane. Protect your peace like it’s sacred—because it is.
12. Channel The Pain Into Something Bigger Than the Breakup
Heartbreak cracks you open—and sometimes, that’s where the light finally gets in. Write the story. Start the business. Say the thing you were scared to say when you were still afraid to rock the boat.
Pain is fuel when you alchemize it. Use it to get louder, freer, truer. Don’t just survive this—become from it.
13. Believe That This Isn’t The End—It’s The Clearing
This isn’t where your story ends—it’s where it reshapes. The version of you that’s emerging is wiser, more self-aware, and more emotionally fluent than the one who walked into this love. And that’s powerful.
You haven’t lost love—you’ve shed a version of it that could no longer grow with you. Grieve it. Honor it. Then make space for what’s next.
Natasha is a seasoned lifestyle journalist and editor based in New York City. Originally from Sydney, during a stellar two-decade career, she has reported on the latest lifestyle news and trends for major media brands including Elle and Grazia.
