15 Signs Your Marriage Is Just Going Through A Rough Patch

In the kaleidoscope of marriage, there are bound to be moments when the vibrant colors fade to muted tones. It’s easy to mistake a dip in brightness for a permanent dusk, yet often these are just passing shadows—a rough patch, if you will. The challenge lies in deciphering whether your relationship is on the brink of collapse or merely navigating through a temporary storm. Let’s delve into the undeniable signs that suggest your marriage is merely going through one of these inevitable, albeit stormy, phases.

1. The Communication Has Hit A Wall

When dialogue feels like an errant game of telephone, it’s easy to assume your marriage is on a downward spiral. But, the truth is that communication hiccups are often a symptom of underlying stress or external pressures. Research by Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, suggests that even healthy couples go through periods where their communication falters. Instead of seeing this as a death knell, consider it an opportunity to recalibrate and realign.

Rather than focusing on the radio silence, approach these moments with curiosity. What external factors might be influencing your dynamic? Sometimes, stressors unrelated to the relationship, like work pressures or health concerns, can create barriers. By addressing these issues head-on, you might find that the lines of communication open up once again.

2. The Romance Feels Dormant

Remember when spontaneous dates were the norm and passion was your lingua franca? These days, it might feel like you’re ships passing in the night. But just because the romantic gestures have dwindled doesn’t mean they’re extinct. Often, the daily grind of life, from work to parenting, can stamp out the flames of passion temporarily.

Instead of mourning the loss, think of it as a chance to reinvent your romance. What new activities can you explore together? Maybe it’s time to switch things up with a dance class or a weekend getaway. Reigniting the spark might be as simple as rekindling curiosity about one another.

3. You’re Disagreeing Over Dumb Things

Frequent arguments can feel like the soundtrack of a marriage in crisis, but they don’t have to be. In fact, Dr. Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist, suggests that couples who frequently argue might simply be passionate and express their feelings more openly. Rather than viewing these disagreements as destructive, consider them a sign that you both still care deeply about the relationship.

The challenge lies in navigating these arguments constructively. Are you listening to understand, or just to respond? Try approaching conflicts with empathy and an open mind. You may find that these heated exchanges can lead to greater understanding and a stronger bond.

4. You’ve Both Got New “Separate” Hobbies

Your partner’s new obsession with marathon training doesn’t have to mean you’re growing apart. In fact, developing individual interests can be a healthy component of a thriving marriage. It’s important to maintain a sense of individuality and bring fresh energy into the relationship. While it may feel like you’re drifting into separate worlds, this could actually be a stepping stone to richer conversations and shared interests.

Approach these changes with openness rather than suspicion. Ask about their newfound passions and share your own. This curiosity can help bridge any perceived gaps. Remember, a flourishing marriage is composed of two fulfilled individuals.

5. The Bedroom Has Turned Into A No-Go Zone

When intimacy dwindles, panic often follows, but a dry spell doesn’t automatically spell doom. According to a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, periods of decreased sexual activity are common and can be influenced by numerous factors, like stress or health issues. Instead of hitting the panic button, it may be more productive to explore the barriers to physical intimacy.

Have an open discussion about what’s going on outside the bedroom. Emotional intimacy often fuels the physical; resolving non-sexual issues can naturally lead to a revival in the bedroom. Sometimes, the solution lies in patience and understanding, not panic and confrontation.

6. Your Shared Ambitions Are On Different Pages

When you’re not on the same page about the future, it can feel daunting. Perhaps you’re talking about different timelines for big life events or have diverging career ambitions. This friction can feel unsettling, but it’s not uncommon for goals to evolve differently over time. Instead of seeing this as a sign of impending doom, use it as a chance to renegotiate your shared vision.

Have the hard conversations about what success and happiness look like for each of you. Use these discussions as an opportunity to understand each other’s changing aspirations. Flexibility and compromise can help align your paths once more. By embracing change, you might find a new shared ambition that excites both of you.

7. The “Little Things” Are Getting To You

The way they chew, their inability to ever put the cap back on the toothpaste—these habits can seem unbearable at times. But according to Dr. Terri Orbuch, a psychologist and relationship expert, it’s normal for small annoyances to flare up during stress. These irritations often have more to do with external pressures than actual flaws in your partner. When life feels overwhelming, small grievances can balloon into monumental issues.

Instead of letting these irritations fester, address them head-on with humor and honesty. Talk about what’s really bothering you and explore whether it’s a symptom of a larger issue. Sometimes, a shift in perspective can turn these annoyances back into endearing quirks. A dose of levity can smooth out these bumps, reminding you why you fell in love in the first place.

8. You’ve Stopped The Cute Little Gestures

The unexpected flowers, the “just because” texts, the lingering hugs—these are love’s small, vital threads. When they stop, it can feel like the fabric of your relationship is unraveling. But a pause in these gestures doesn’t necessarily mean love has vanished. It might simply mean you’re both running on empty, caught up in life’s whirlwind.

Reintroduce these gestures with intention, even if it feels forced at first. A kind note slipped into their bag or a surprise breakfast in bed can reignite warmth. These actions don’t have to be grand; often, it’s the small, consistent kindnesses that stitch you back together. Remember, the effort you put in directly feeds the love you get back.

9. Your Family And Friends Are Sensing The Tension

When the people around you start noticing that something’s amiss, it can feel like the spotlight is glaring. It’s easy to assume this external acknowledgment means your marriage is on the rocks. But often, this outward perception is a reflection of temporary stressors or life changes. Those close to you might see the pressure you’re under, not a relationship in disarray.

Lean on this community for support rather than confirmation of failure. Sometimes, an outside perspective can offer just the insight you need to navigate troubled waters. Seek advice from those who’ve weathered their own storms. Friends and family can provide both comfort and a reality check, reminding you that a rough patch is just that—a patch, not the whole tapestry.

10. You’re More Comfortable Not Talking

Silence can feel like the void, a sign that you’ve run out of things to say. But comfort in quiet moments can also signify a deeper intimacy. This isn’t about running out of topics; it’s about being so in tune with each other that words become unnecessary. While it may seem like a lack of engagement, this shared silence can often be a testament to your bond.

Cherish these quiet moments. They offer a chance to simply be, without the need for constant communication. Reflect on how this silence makes you feel—do you find peace or concern? Embrace the opportunity to connect on a non-verbal level, finding solace in each other’s presence.

11. You’re Both Navigating Big Life Changes

Career shifts, new children, or moving cities—these milestones often bring stress that seeps into your marriage. It’s easy to misinterpret these changes as personal failures or relationship flaws. But any major life transition can temporarily destabilize even the strongest bonds. Recognize that these upheavals are a normal part of life and not necessarily indicative of a failing marriage.

Tackle these life changes as a team, rather than in isolation. Support each other in these new endeavors and acknowledge the growing pains that come with them. Being partners in change can solidify your connection and equip you to handle future challenges. These shared experiences can ultimately make your marriage more resilient.

12. The Fun Factor Is MIA

When was the last time you laughed together until your sides hurt? If you can’t remember, it might feel like the fun has permanently left the building. But the absence of laughter doesn’t mean it’s gone for good. Often, it’s just been overshadowed by responsibilities or stress.

Make a conscious effort to reintroduce fun into your relationship. Whether it’s a game night, a silly dance-off in the kitchen, or a weekend adventure, laughter is a potent antidote to tension. Allow yourselves to be playful and spontaneous. Rediscovering your shared sense of humor can be a powerful way to reconnect.

13. The Idea Of Being Vulnerable Feels Risky

If sharing your deepest concerns and feelings feels like threading a needle blindfolded, you’re not alone. This hesitance can be mistaken as a sign that your connection is faltering. But being emotionally guarded is often a protective measure, especially during stressful times. It doesn’t mean the bond is broken; it just means you’re both being cautious.

Work on creating a safe space for emotional vulnerability. Start small, sharing little truths and slowly building up to the bigger ones. Emotional intimacy can be rebuilt with patience and understanding. This renewed openness can deepen your connection and reaffirm your commitment to one another.

14. Your Social Life Has Taken A Backseat

When your social calendar is gathering dust, it might seem like your relationship is losing its zest. But this withdrawal is often a byproduct of fatigue rather than a failing marriage. Finding time for social engagements amid life’s demands can be challenging, leading to isolation. The key is recognizing this as a temporary state, not a permanent shift.

Prioritize social interactions that bring joy and relaxation. Reconnect with friends for a night out or host a casual gathering at home. These interactions can infuse your relationship with a renewed sense of community and fun. Remember, a healthy social life can enhance, not detract from, your partnership.

15. You’re Both Feeling Overwhelmed

There are times when life feels like an unrelenting avalanche, burying you both under responsibilities and expectations. This shared overwhelm can lead to tension and miscommunication. But feeling overwhelmed is a universal experience and doesn’t necessarily indicate a relationship breakdown. It’s crucial to acknowledge this feeling without letting it define your marriage.

Come together to identify the sources of stress and strategize ways to manage them. Divide responsibilities, seek external help if needed, and prioritize self-care. Supporting each other through life’s chaos can fortify your bond. Remember, you’re a team, and together you can weather any storm.