It’s often the smallest actions that carry the most weight in social interactions. The seemingly innocuous habits that we don’t give a second thought can sometimes send ripples through our relationships and daily lives. You might not even notice you’re doing them, but others do—and they tilt their heads, squint their eyes, and quietly file the behavior under “odd.” Here are fifteen things you might be doing that subtly shift the way people perceive you, leaving them puzzled or perhaps a little put off.
1. Using Too Many Filler Words
Filler words—like “um,” “uh,” “like”—can subtly undermine your credibility. They often creep in when you’re unsure or trying to buy time, but overuse can make you seem less articulate or confident. These verbal crutches can dilute the power of your words, making your speech seem cluttered and unpolished. Others might perceive you as less knowledgeable or prepared than you really are.
Reducing the use of filler words involves practicing thoughtful pauses and embracing silence. Silence can be a powerful communication tool, giving you time to gather your thoughts and present them clearly. By cultivating a habit of pausing instead of filling gaps with unnecessary words, you demonstrate confidence and clarity. This simple adjustment can significantly enhance the perception of your communication skills.
2. Trying Too Hard On Social Media
Social media can be a double-edged sword, providing connection while simultaneously creating distance. When you constantly post about every detail of your life, it can seem like you’re more interested in virtual validation than real-world interaction. This behavior might suggest you’re trying too hard to prove something or fill a void of personal connection. The curated life you present can come off as insincere, distancing you from meaningful relationships.
Finding a balance with social media allows you to enjoy its benefits without losing touch with reality. Be mindful of how much you share and the motivations behind your posts. When social media becomes a reflection of who you genuinely are, rather than a highlight reel, it strengthens your authenticity. This approach fosters deeper connections both online and offline.
3. Interjecting During Conversations With Weird Points
You might think your input is valuable and time-saving, but frequently interrupting others can make you appear impatient or self-centered. It disrupts the flow of dialogue and sends the message that what you have to say is more important than listening. While you’re busy crafting your next witty reply, the other person feels unheard and undervalued. According to research by Deborah Tannen, a linguistics professor at Georgetown University, interruption is often perceived not as enthusiasm but as dominance over a conversation.
Pausing to listen isn’t just about manners; it’s about creating a space where genuine exchange can occur. When you interrupt less, conversations become richer and more meaningful. This pause fosters an environment where both parties feel respected and engaged. Over time, you’ll notice that people are more receptive and open when they feel like their words are truly being valued.
4. Apologizing For Things That Had Nothing To Do With You
It seems polite to apologize, but when you overdo it, it begins to dilute the sincerity of your words. Constant apologies can make you seem insecure or overly self-deprecating. It suggests that you’re constantly seeking validation or approval, which might lead others to question why you’re so unsure of yourself. Instead of apologizing for every little thing, save those words for when they truly matter.
Replacing excess apologies with gratitude can significantly alter the tone of your interactions. Instead of saying “Sorry for the delay,” try saying “Thank you for your patience.” This subtle shift from apology to appreciation not only elevates your own self-esteem but also positively influences how others perceive you. It shows that you respect both your own time and theirs.
5. Humble-Bragging Excessively
The art of the humble-brag is a delicate dance that often ends in perceived oddity. It’s when you try to sneak in a boast under the guise of self-deprecation or humility. According to a 2015 study by Harvard Business School, people tend to dislike humble-bragging even more than outright boasting, as it comes across as insincere and manipulative. The intention might be to appear relatable and modest, but the effect is often the opposite.
Instead of humble-bragging, try embracing moments of genuine pride and sharing them without the cloak of modesty. Authenticity resonates far more than forced humility. Focus on celebrating your achievements in a way that invites others to join in your happiness. This approach builds connections through transparency rather than veiled arrogance.
6. Fidgeting Without Realizing It
A bouncing leg or a constant pen click might seem harmless, but it often signals anxiety or restlessness to others. Even if you feel calm, your subconscious movements can suggest otherwise, making those around you uneasy. It’s a non-verbal cue that can disrupt the focus in meetings or conversations, pulling attention away from the topic at hand. Unchecked, it can become a barrier to effective communication and connection.
Being aware of your body language is crucial in creating the atmosphere you want. Simple techniques like grounding your feet or placing your hands flat on a table can help redirect nervous energy. This conscious control over small movements can significantly alter how others perceive you. When your physical presence aligns with your inner calm, interactions become smoother and more engaging.
7. Sharing Too Much Personal Information Too Soon
The impulse to open up quickly in new relationships can backfire, leaving the other person overwhelmed. While being open is generally a good trait, oversharing can make you seem needy or lacking in boundaries. A study from the University of Edinburgh suggests that self-disclosure is a powerful tool for building intimacy, but it’s all about timing and context. Dumping your life story in one go can create an uncomfortable imbalance.
Understanding the rhythm of conversation is key to effective self-disclosure. Gradually sharing parts of yourself ensures that both sides feel comfortable and safe. This measured approach allows trust to develop organically, strengthening the relationship without overwhelming it. By respecting the pace of intimacy, you foster deeper and more meaningful connections.
8. Not Looking People In The Eye
The eyes are often said to be the windows to the soul, but when you avoid eye contact, you might come across as evasive or disinterested. Whether it’s during a conversation or a presentation, dodging the gaze of others can create a barrier. It can be interpreted as a lack of confidence or an unwillingness to engage. While eye contact can be intimidating, it’s also a fundamental element of effective communication.
Strengthening your eye contact doesn’t mean locking eyes in a stare-down. It’s about finding a balance that feels natural and personable. Try to maintain eye contact for a few seconds at a time, enough to convey interest and sincerity. This small adjustment can transform your interactions, making you seem more trustworthy and approachable.
9. Speaking Too Softly Or Too Loudly
Volume control might seem trivial, but it has a significant impact on how others perceive you. Speaking too softly can make you seem timid or unsure, while speaking too loudly might come across as aggressive or overbearing. Both extremes can distract from the message you’re trying to convey, leading to misinterpretation. The key is finding a balanced tone that conveys confidence and invites engagement.
Practicing moderation with your vocal volume can transform your communication style. Adjusting your tone based on the situation and your audience ensures that your message is received as intended. This thoughtful approach not only enhances understanding but also demonstrates adaptability and awareness. It’s a subtle yet powerful way to enhance your presence and effectiveness in conversation.
10. Being Chronically Late And Disorganized
Punctuality speaks volumes about your regard for others’ time and your organizational skills. Being consistently late can make you appear disrespectful or scatterbrained. It sends a message that you don’t value the commitments you’ve made, even if the intention is not to offend. Over time, it can erode trust and reliability in both personal and professional settings.
Cultivating a habit of punctuality requires mindfulness and planning. Setting reminders, factoring in potential delays, and prioritizing your schedule can help you arrive on time. This effort shows others that you respect their time and are committed to meeting your obligations. In turn, it enhances the trust and respect others have for you, strengthening relationships.
11. Showing Your Resting B*tch Face
A warm smile can be the difference between a welcoming presence and a perceived coldness. Not smiling enough might make you seem unapproachable or uninterested, even if that’s far from the truth. It’s a simple non-verbal cue that can significantly impact first impressions and ongoing relationships. A genuine smile communicates friendliness, openness, and warmth, making social interactions smoother and more pleasant.
Incorporating more smiles into your interactions doesn’t mean forcing happiness; it’s about expressing genuine emotions. When you smile, you not only enhance your own mood but also positively influence those around you. This small act of kindness can brighten a room and invite others to connect with you more deeply. It’s a powerful yet understated tool for building rapport and spreading positivity.
12. Not Responding To Messages
In the digital age, not responding to messages can be seen as a social faux pas. It suggests to others that they’re not a priority, which can strain both personal and professional relationships. According to a survey by the Pew Research Center, timely response in digital communication is often equated with professionalism and respect. Ignoring messages or taking too long to reply might make you seem forgetful or even indifferent.
Being prompt with responses doesn’t mean you have to be perpetually attached to your device. Setting regular intervals to check and reply to messages can help maintain relationships without overwhelming your day. It’s a simple courtesy that shows you value and respect the time and effort others put into communicating with you. In turn, this fosters mutual respect and a smoother flow of conversation.
13. Acting Like You Are Perfect
While striving for excellence can be admirable, perfectionism often leads to unrealistic standards and unnecessary stress. It can make you seem rigid or overly critical, both to yourself and others. This relentless pursuit of flawlessness can hinder progress and stifle creativity. It sends a message that only perfection is acceptable, which can be exhausting for those around you.
Loosening the grip of perfectionism involves embracing imperfections as opportunities for growth. Accepting that mistakes are part of the learning process can lead to more authentic and fulfilling experiences. When you model this mindset, you create a more supportive environment where others feel free to take risks and innovate. It’s about finding the balance between high standards and compassion for yourself and others.
14. Overplanning And Controlling Every Detail
Having a plan is essential, but overplanning can stifle spontaneity and creativity. It can make you appear inflexible or controlling, leaving little room for adaptability. Others might feel constricted or pressured to adhere to your rigid expectations. In a world that thrives on change, adaptability is a crucial skill that overplanning often undermines.
Allowing for flexibility in your plans can lead to unexpected and enriching experiences. Embracing the unknown can open doors to opportunities you might never have considered. This shift not only enhances your own resilience but also encourages those around you to embrace change with confidence. It’s about finding joy in the journey, rather than the destination.
15. Neglecting Your Grooming And Appearance
While personal grooming might seem superficial, it profoundly affects how others perceive you. Neglecting it can make you appear disorganized or indifferent to your self-presentation. It’s a visual communication that speaks before you ever say a word. Presenting yourself well shows respect for yourself and those you interact with, setting the stage for positive engagements.
Investing time in grooming isn’t about vanity; it’s about self-respect and mindfulness. When you take care of your appearance, you send a message of confidence and competence. This attention to detail conveys professionalism and courtesy, enhancing how others perceive and respond to you. It’s a simple yet effective way to elevate your presence and leave a lasting impression.
Natasha is a seasoned lifestyle journalist and editor based in New York City. Originally from Sydney, during a stellar two-decade career, she has reported on the latest lifestyle news and trends for major media brands including Elle and Grazia.
