People Who Aren’t As Open Minded As They Think Say 13 Things Without Realizing

Being “open-minded” is a label a lot of us like to wear — but sometimes, the reality behind that self-image is a little messier. People often think they’re embracing fresh ideas, but in reality, they’re clinging to biases or unintentionally shutting down conversations. The way we phrase things can reveal cracks in that open-minded facade. Here’s a rundown of 13 things people say that expose just how closed off they are, even when they don’t mean to be.

1. “I’m Just Being Realistic Here”

This phrase often comes up as a subtle way to dismiss someone else’s hopeful or unconventional ideas. It acts like a preemptive strike, implying there’s no room for debate because “realism” is supposedly an objective standard. However, what counts as “realistic” usually reflects the speaker’s comfort zone or narrow worldview rather than any universal truth. It shuts down imagination and alternative perspectives without invitation. By claiming to be realistic, the speaker asserts authority and control over what can be considered possible or worth discussing.

According to Melanie Tonia Evans, a recognized expert on emotional dynamics and narcissistic behavior, such phrases are often less about facts and more about maintaining power within conversations. By insisting that their version of reality is the only valid one, speakers discourage curiosity and exploration, replacing flexibility with rigid boundaries. This approach undermines true open-mindedness, which thrives on questioning assumptions and embracing new possibilities.

2. “That’s Not How I Was Raised”

Invoking upbringing as a shield can quietly shut down evolving conversations about culture, identity, or personal growth. It’s an easy fallback to justify rigid beliefs without the work of reflection or nuance. While our upbringing shapes who we are, relying on it as a permanent excuse blocks the possibility of change or empathy. This phrase often signals an unwillingness to examine why those inherited beliefs might need updating. It can become a way to freeze oneself in place instead of growing.

When someone uses this phrase, they may not realize it betrays resistance to new ideas, especially those challenging their inherited values. Personal development requires the courage to question the very foundations of our worldview, even when that’s uncomfortable. Clinging to upbringing without critique limits perspective and dialogue. It’s a subtle form of self-protection that often closes doors rather than opens them.

3. “I Don’t Want To Offend Anyone, But…”

The phrase “I don’t want to offend anyone, but…” often serves as a warning that what follows may be insensitive or dismissive, acting more as a shield for the speaker than a genuine attempt to show consideration. Rather than softening the impact, this disclaimer frequently signals a disregard for others’ feelings or experiences. It allows the speaker to preemptively avoid responsibility for potentially hurtful comments, revealing a lack of true empathy or awareness about how their words affect those around them.

True open-mindedness requires listening first and speaking with care, understanding that words carry weight regardless of intent. Using such performative disclaimers can mask closed-mindedness and hinder honest, respectful dialogue. Research on effective communication highlights how disclaimers that attempt to preempt offense often undermine genuine connection and accountability, emphasizing the importance of clear, responsible communication in fostering trust and understanding. Embracing responsibility for our words is essential to fostering empathy and meaningful conversations.

4. “I’m Just Saying What Everyone Is Thinking”

This phrase tries to normalize controversial or unpopular opinions by suggesting they are secretly shared by the majority. It pressures others to accept the statement without question by implying dissenters are naive or out of touch. This tactic is a power move disguised as honesty and bravery. It frames the speaker as a truth-teller surrounded by blind conformists, shutting down nuanced conversation. By claiming to speak for “everyone,” it erases individual experiences and perspectives.

Open-mindedness requires recognizing the diversity of thought, not flattening it into a so-called “common sense” statement. This phrase dismisses complexity and encourages groupthink. It discourages curiosity and honest disagreement, which are essential for learning. When you hear it, take it as a red flag signaling a closed door to dialogue.

5. “That’s Just How People Are”

The phrase “That’s just how people are” is often used to simplify complex social behaviors into a fixed, unchangeable truth. This mindset excuses harmful or outdated actions by portraying them as natural or inevitable, which discourages questioning norms or injustices. Instead of promoting understanding or growth, it reinforces stereotypes and maintains the status quo, making it harder to challenge uncomfortable realities.

Experts in psychology from Frontiers in Psychology explain that this kind of fatalistic thinking shuts down meaningful conversations by framing behavior as immutable, preventing empathy and deeper insight into why people act the way they do. Research shows that fatalistic beliefs can serve as barriers to motivation and change, often leading to resignation and reduced efforts to improve situations. Recognizing and challenging this phrase is key to fostering empathy and promoting progress.

6. “I’m Open To New Ideas, But…”

The phrase “I’m open to new ideas, but…” is often a red flag that signals conditional openness rather than genuine willingness to learn. While it sounds flexible, the “but” usually introduces limitations designed to protect existing beliefs and comfort zones. Instead of true curiosity, this phrase reflects a guarded attitude that keeps conversations shallow and controlled, allowing only selective tolerance rather than honest exploration.

Authentic open-mindedness involves cognitive flexibility and a readiness to embrace new experiences without resistance. A study published by the National Institutes of Health highlights that individuals high in openness demonstrate greater adaptability and creativity, essential for meaningful learning and growth. In contrast, conditional openness implied by “I’m open, but” reveals underlying mental rigidity that blocks deeper understanding and change.

7. “I Don’t See Color/Gender/Religion”

Though often intended to sound progressive, the phrase “I don’t see color/gender/religion” actually erases important aspects of identity and lived experience. It sidesteps necessary conversations about bias and inequality by pretending these factors don’t exist, which minimizes the challenges faced by marginalized groups. This approach assumes that treating everyone the same means everyone is treated fairly, but in reality, ignoring differences perpetuates systemic inequities.

According to sociologist Eduardo Bonilla-Silva, colorblindness is a form of racial ideology that denies the significance of race and systemic racism, often used to justify the racial status quo by emphasizing sameness and denying ongoing discrimination. This ideology obscures the real impact of historical and structural inequalities and prevents genuine understanding and progress toward equity. Genuine open-mindedness requires acknowledging differences and their impacts rather than pretending they vanish when ignored.

8. “I’ve Done My Research”

This statement often serves as a defensive shield for opinions that haven’t been truly challenged or that rely on cherry-picked evidence. “Research” becomes a vague catch-all that shelters confirmation bias rather than invites scrutiny. It discourages genuine dialogue by implying the speaker’s conclusions are settled facts beyond question. This halts curiosity and turns conversation into a one-way lecture.

Open-minded people understand that research is an ongoing, evolving process. They welcome new data and perspectives that might shift their thinking. Declaring finality through “research” prematurely cuts off exploration and debate. This phrase exposes a closed mindset masked as intellectual rigor.

9. “I’m Not Political”

Claiming to be apolitical is often a subtle way to avoid engaging with societal issues that require perspective, empathy, and responsibility. It can be an unconscious strategy to dodge uncomfortable conversations about power and injustice. However, in a world where politics shape daily life and opportunity, claiming neutrality often means siding with the status quo. Saying “I’m not political” is less about disinterest and more about reluctance to acknowledge how personal beliefs intersect with larger systems.

True open-mindedness embraces the complexity of social and political dynamics rather than distancing from them. It recognizes that disengagement isn’t neutrality—it’s a form of passive consent. Avoiding politics often shuts down critical reflection and meaningful change. This phrase frequently signals discomfort with confronting difficult realities.

10. “That’s Just My Opinion”

This phrase can function as a polite boundary or a defensive wall, depending on context. When used to deflect criticism or shut down dialogue, it often hides a refusal to reconsider or explain one’s viewpoint. Opinions aren’t inherently above scrutiny, but this phrase can make them seem untouchable. It’s a convenient way to protect fragile beliefs from challenge or growth.

Open-mindedness thrives on exchange, challenge, and reflection. Retreating behind “just my opinion” shuts down those essential processes. It can reveal fear of being wrong or vulnerability. When this phrase is a conversation stopper rather than an opener, it signals a closed mind.

11. “People Should Just Lighten Up”

Telling others to “lighten up” minimizes their feelings and often invalidates legitimate concerns. It’s a dismissive tactic that discourages serious discussion in favor of quick humor or avoidance. This phrase shifts emotional labor onto the listener instead of fostering understanding or empathy. It effectively silences discomfort by framing it as weakness or overreaction.

Those who use this phrase might not realize they are closing off meaningful dialogue and connection. Open-mindedness requires sitting with discomfort rather than brushing it away. It demands patience and emotional generosity. “Lighten up” is often code for “don’t challenge me.”

12. “It’s Different In My Generation”

This phrase serves as a soft way to reject contemporary ideas or evolving values by retreating into generational identity. It assumes that age or era grants immunity from questioning one’s beliefs or adapting. While generational context matters, it shouldn’t become a barrier to growth or intergenerational understanding. When it’s used to stop conversations, it limits the learning opportunity.

By wielding this phrase as a conversation ender, the speaker resists adapting to social changes. It puts up walls between perspectives instead of building bridges. This attitude keeps dialogue stagnant and ossifies beliefs. True open-mindedness embraces evolution across generations, not rejection.

13. “Why Are You So Sensitive?”

Calling someone “too sensitive” invalidates their emotional experience and often dismisses legitimate critique. It redirects focus away from the content of the conversation to the person’s perceived fragility. This deflection protects the speaker from accountability and avoids grappling with uncomfortable truths. It implies the problem lies with the responder’s feelings rather than the speaker’s words or actions.

Open-minded conversations honor emotional responses as valid and important parts of understanding. Recognizing sensitivity isn’t weakness but insight allows for a deeper connection. Labeling sensitivity as a flaw shuts down empathy and potential growth. This phrase reveals an unwillingness to face the impact of one’s statements.