The 1980s gave us some of the most iconic movies of all time, but they also delivered some truly questionable dating advice. Many films romanticized toxic behaviors like relentless pursuit, manipulation, or emotional neglect, all disguised as grand gestures of love. While they might have seemed charming on-screen, these dating tropes wouldn’t hold up in real-life relationships. Some of these movies glorified possessiveness, dishonesty, or one-sided affection as if they were keys to true love. Others set unrealistic expectations about relationships, making it seem like love could be forced or won through persistence. Watching them now, it’s clear that some of the messages promoted in these films wouldn’t be considered romantic today. They often reinforce unhealthy dynamics that can lead to misunderstanding or even emotional harm in real relationships. From movies that encouraged stalking to ones that made manipulation seem romantic, the ’80s had its fair share of problematic love stories. Here are 10 classic ’80s movies with some of the worst dating advice ever.
1. The Breakfast Club (1985) – Being Mean to Someone Means You Like Them
In The Breakfast Club, bad boy Bender harasses and insults Claire throughout the film, yet the movie frames this behavior as flirtation. He mocks her, invades her personal space, and even makes crude comments, but by the end of the movie, she kisses him anyway. This sends a harmful message that being aggressive, rude, or dismissive toward someone is a sign of attraction. Instead of portraying a healthy, evolving connection, the film normalizes the idea that emotional mistreatment can lead to love.
According to Fem Film, disrespect should never be mistaken for affection. A strong, lasting relationship is built on kindness and communication, not bullying and insults. Romanticizing this dynamic teaches that tolerating mistreatment will eventually lead to romance. Love should feel safe and supportive, not like an emotional battle.
2. Sixteen Candles (1984) – Your Crush Owes You a Relationship
In Sixteen Candles, the main character, Sam, spends the entire movie pining after the “perfect” popular guy, Jake Ryan. The message here? If you silently obsess over someone long enough, they’ll eventually notice you and fall in love with you. Jake, meanwhile, treats his actual girlfriend terribly and ultimately gives her away like an object. His “romantic” gesture is waiting for Sam on her birthday, but they barely know each other.
The movie suggests that if you just admire someone from a distance, love will magically happen. In reality, relationships require real communication and mutual effort—not just wishful thinking. As noted in the IMDb summary, Sam barely speaks to Jake throughout the movie, yet the film portrays their sudden romance as something meaningful. A genuine connection isn’t built on silent admiration alone.
3. Say Anything (1989) – Grand Gestures Fix Everything
Say Anything features one of the most famous romantic scenes in film history—John Cusack standing outside his ex-girlfriend’s window holding a boombox. While it’s an iconic moment, it sends a problematic message: if someone rejects you, just make a huge romantic gesture, and they’ll take you back. Lloyd, the main character, refuses to accept that Diane has broken up with him, instead choosing to “prove” his love by playing their song outside her house.
The movie suggests that persistence is more important than respecting someone’s boundaries. According to Roger Ebert’s review, while grand gestures can be sweet in healthy relationships, they shouldn’t replace real conversations. In real life, if someone wants space or needs time to think, ignoring that and showing up unannounced can come across as pushy or even manipulative.
4. Revenge of the Nerds (1984) – Deception is an Acceptable Way to Win Someone Over
Revenge of the Nerds tries to present itself as a lighthearted underdog story, but it contains one of the most unethical “romantic” moments in ’80s cinema. The main character, Lewis, disguises himself as someone else to sleep with a girl who thinks he’s her boyfriend. This scene plays out as though it’s a clever victory for the “nice guy,” when in reality, it’s blatant manipulation and deception.
The movie suggests that if you can trick someone into intimacy, it’s a harmless and even romantic act. As discussed on Collative Learning, healthy relationships are built on honesty, mutual attraction, and respect—not deceit. Love isn’t about tricking someone into liking you; it’s about genuine connection.
5. Can’t Buy Me Love (1987) – Paying for Love is a Realistic Strategy
In Can’t Buy Me Love, the main character, Ronald, pays a popular girl to pretend to be his girlfriend in hopes of gaining social status. Eventually, she falls for him, reinforcing the idea that love can be bought or manipulated. This storyline suggests that if you trick someone into a relationship, they’ll eventually develop real feelings for you. It ignores the importance of mutual respect and genuine emotional connection.
A real relationship isn’t about transactions or using someone for personal gain. Pretending to be something you’re not, just to win someone over, sets up a relationship built on dishonesty. If you want someone to like you, the best approach is to be yourself and let things happen naturally. Relationships should be about mutual appreciation, not staged social experiments. Love is about connection, not calculated image-building.
6. Mannequin (1987) – Idealizing Someone Who Can’t Even Talk Back
Mannequin takes the concept of “the perfect partner” to an extreme—Jonathan literally falls in love with a mannequin that comes to life. This movie promotes the idea that the ideal partner should be passive, submissive, and exist solely to make someone else happy. It reinforces an unhealthy fantasy where a woman has no needs, thoughts, or boundaries of her own. Instead of forming a relationship with a real person, Jonathan prefers a version of love where he has total control.
A real relationship should be based on mutual respect, compromise, and shared experiences. The film’s underlying message—that the best romantic partners are those who do exactly what you want—ignores the reality of healthy relationships. Love isn’t about control or perfection; it’s about growth and understanding. The best relationships are those where both partners challenge and support each other. Fantasizing about an unrealistic, submissive partner can lead to disappointment and unhealthy expectations in real relationships.
7. Weird Science (1985) – Creating the “Perfect” Woman is Romantic
Weird Science follows two teenage boys who use their computer to create the “ideal woman” named Lisa. Throughout the movie, Lisa exists solely to cater to their desires, help them gain confidence, and teach them about romance. This reinforces the dangerous notion that women should be molded into whatever men want them to be. Instead of valuing real human connection, the film promotes the fantasy that an ideal partner should exist only to please. It completely ignores the importance of respect, consent, and mutual effort in relationships.
In reality, relationships are not about control or wish fulfillment—they require compromise, emotional growth, and mutual understanding. The idea that love should be effortless or that a partner should exist just to boost someone’s confidence is unrealistic. Real romance isn’t about perfection or having power over another person. Instead, it’s about embracing differences, supporting each other, and growing together. This movie sends a troubling message that relationships should revolve around one person’s needs rather than a shared experience.
8. Overboard (1987) – Lying About Who You Are is the Basis for Love
Overboard takes deception to another level by romanticizing an outright lie. The movie follows a man who tricks a woman with amnesia into believing she’s his wife, forcing her into a domestic life she never agreed to. While the film plays this off as charming and comedic, the reality is that this is manipulative and ethically wrong. The story suggests that if you lie to someone long enough, they’ll eventually fall in love with you. Instead of valuing honesty and mutual attraction, Overboard promotes the idea that relationships can be built on deception.
Healthy relationships are built on trust, not lies or power imbalances. Convincing someone they are in a relationship they never consented to removes their ability to choose love for themselves. While Overboard tries to redeem itself with a happy ending, the message remains troubling. Real love is about honesty, consent, and mutual respect, not trickery. No matter how entertaining a love story might be, deception is never the foundation for a real, lasting relationship.
9. She’s Out of Control (1989) – Controlling Someone is a Sign of Love
In She’s Out of Control, a father becomes obsessed with “protecting” his teenage daughter once she starts dating. He hires a private investigator to spy on her and actively interferes with her personal life. While the movie presents this as humor, it sends a troubling message that control is an acceptable part of love. Instead of trusting his daughter’s ability to make her own choices, the father treats her like an object that needs to be guarded. The story suggests that love is about control rather than respect and understanding.
This movie reinforces harmful ideas about relationships, particularly the belief that women need to be “protected” from their own choices. In reality, healthy relationships—whether romantic or familial—are based on trust and communication. Love isn’t about controlling someone’s actions; it’s about respecting their independence. A partner who is overly possessive or tries to dictate another’s decisions is not being romantic—they’re being manipulative. Real love thrives on mutual freedom, not control.
10. Teen Wolf (1985) – Popularity Equals Romantic Success
Teen Wolf follows a high schooler named Scott who suddenly becomes popular after discovering he’s a werewolf. Once he gains attention, the most popular girl in school finally starts to notice him. The movie suggests that you have to change who you are or gain status to be considered worthy of love. Instead of valuing genuine connection, Teen Wolf promotes the idea that superficial popularity is what makes someone attractive. It downplays the importance of authenticity in relationships.
In reality, the best relationships come from genuine attraction, not social status. Changing yourself to gain attention will never lead to a meaningful or lasting connection. A real partner should appreciate you for who you are, not for how many people admire you. The movie’s message reinforces the idea that love is conditional upon how much you impress others. Real romance isn’t about popularity—it’s about being true to yourself and finding someone who values you for that.
Many ’80s movies presented love in ways that wouldn’t hold up in today’s world. Whether they glorified deception, control, or popularity, these films often ignored the fundamentals of healthy relationships. Love should be built on honesty, trust, and mutual respect—not manipulation, trickery, or unrealistic expectations. While these movies remain entertaining classics, they serve as a reminder of how far relationship dynamics have evolved. Today, we know that real romance isn’t about chasing perfection but about building meaningful, respectful connections.
